Psychology of the Chained Vortex
Your Society Is Sick, Here's What To Do
The idea that we live in a sick society has spread everywhere. Is it the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, or perhaps feminism and the feminization of men? Or what about unchecked immigration…or is it wanton white supremacy? Is it the hate from religious fundamentalists or the nihilism of atheism and the death of God?
Nobody seems to agree on the name, the causes, or the exact symptoms, but most of us seem to agree that something is wrong. Regardless of where your beliefs lie, what I want to answer in this essay is how to discover what effect this sick society has had on you and how you can begin to break those chains.
I’ll explain everything you need to know here, but in my essay on conformity and nice guys, I talked about the development of social identity throughout your teens. As you entered adulthood, you were given an external compass consisting of the social norms, rules, and regulations of your culture. One consequence of this is that we assume the external compass is “the natural way of things”. In other words, we find it very difficult to question the external compass of our culture. Given the introduction to this essay you can already see the issues here. What if that “natural way of things” has been defined by a sick culture?
Here’s the question you should be asking yourself at this point, “why would people allow themselves to conform to sick cultures?”
If you prefer YouTube, you can watch it here.
Chained to the Vortex of Negative Affect
First of all, psychologists call the stage of our lives where we are most defined by the external compass the Conformist or Socialized Mind.1, 2 From now on then, when you hear me say Conformist, I am using it in a very specific, technical sense. If we want to understand how we have been affected by our sick culture, we need to understand how our external compass was created in the first place.
I call this process being chained to the vortex of negative affect, or emotion. If that sounds intense, that’s because it is. Throughout our childhood we are taught to conform to certain standards, rules, and regulations because non-conformity, disobedience, is rewarded with pain. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Often the lessons we learn are about how to behave properly, but specifically, given our culture’s rules.
For example, in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn’t matter if you walked naked down the street. However, because you’ll be legally and socially punished for doing so (think of the children!) means that you better understand that you should follow this rule. And then, once you have rules about wearing clothes, which clothes to wear becomes an entirely new set of rules to understand.
Your parents and then your peers teach you what clothes are going to help you be perceived in the right way given the context. The clothes you wear at work, at the nightclub, or in the privacy of your own home are often going to be very different. That difference is defined based on what you were taught about “respectable” fashion, but…what if those rules and regulations were taught using negative emotions?
For some of you the idea of a “vortex of negative affect” may have rung a very clear bell. For the rest of you though, just think about your internal monologue when something embarrassing happens to you. You realized after a job interview that you had a mustard stain on your shirt and now the inner critic jumps onto center stage to berate you for being such a disgusting slob. That inner critic’s voice was shaped by all those lessons you were given throughout your childhood, and quite literally, sometimes the critic speaks in your parent’s or your teacher’s voice.3
This vortex of negative affect is something we are all born with. It consists of all the negative feelings that are stirred up within us whenever anything bad happens. We’re at risk for being sucked inside if we don’t know how to properly handle it. Unfortunately we often aren’t taught how to relate to the vortex. The process of socialization takes a child who doesn’t understand social rules and uses painful emotions to turn them into an adult who automatically follows these social norms. I call this the chaining process. Again, I know that sounds intense, so let’s take a look at a specific example to explain better what I mean by the vortex and the chaining process.
When you’re a kid you don’t really understand why your parents are trying to get you to do certain things or trying to stop you from doing certain things. You explore, you create, you imagine, and you invest your time and energy in understanding this brand new world you find yourself in. As a kid you’re mapping the usefulness and danger of the things you discover, and because some of these things are dangerous you’re very much aware of where your parents are at all times.4, 5
This need for safety is exemplified by Dr. Ainsworth’s Strange Situation experiment. She found that if an infant hadn’t been given a solid base of safety they were often difficult to calm down and were less playfully explorative.5 Already we can see how a child’s experiences shape their relationship to the vortex. Almost all infants were distressed when their mothers left the room. However, if he learns mother is emotionally absent, her return may not calm him down, or he may be so emotionally shut down at this point that he doesn’t react at all.
Again, the vortex is something we all already have. The chains then, are something we learn. Even with healthy parents we learn that we need to keep them around or else the vortex will affect us. The moment mom leaves the infant starts crying. This vortex is fear, and the specific chain is abandonment. We learn that keeping our parents around is one of our most important goals, even when they do something we don’t like or that hurts us. We learn that we must obey them or risk abandonment.
However, with the worst of Ainsworth’s infants, the specific chain that tied them down was an insecure base in the form of their emotionally absent mothers. While playful exploration should have been their standard while mom was in sight, their chains acted to hold their emerging creativity from properly developing. In the most extreme cases, such infants develop learning disabilities and mental illnesses that send them into crime, domestic violence, and addiction as adults.5
The Chains Bind Your Mind
Fortunately, most infants grow up with a safe enough base that they aren’t given many significant barriers.4 Unfortunately, all of us then have entire childhoods where we are chained by the specific lessons we learn given our culture. Even though we may desire to challenge our parents in all the ways that children do, our fear of abandonment keeps our disobedience within certain limits. These limits become the social norms we follow automatically as adults.
Even the disobedience of a temper-tantrum is a specific chain in development. If a permissive parent gives in, then the child is chained to an anger vortex as a means of getting what they want. If the child is disciplined and taught that temper-tantrums are inappropriate for a child their age, then the child is chained to the vortex of shame as a means of resisting the vortex of anger – “I’m not a real big kid if I keep acting like a baby” becomes more emotionally powerful than “I’m mad and I want it now!”
This may seem a bit cruel, but children don’t fully understand social norms. If they learn that there are punishments to their bad behaviour then they are taught to choose other behaviour. I’ll talk about a more controversial example in a second, but if we saw an adult throw a temper-tantrum we would expect them to be ashamed of themselves once they calmed down. That’s childish behaviour. Even though children would be expected to be childish, it’s on the way to adulthood that they grow up enough to be ashamed of certain behaviours.
It may seem odd at this point to continue calling lessons of appropriate conduct “chains” if I keep talking about how necessary they are to become a well-functioning adult. That’s precisely the point though. Given the fact that we’re talking about a sick culture here, what exactly does it mean to be a well-functioning adult? If we’re going to be chaining our children to specific forms of negative emotion so that they “behave well”, shouldn’t we be thinking about what expectations are being placed upon them given our culture?
Let’s take a look at another example by discussing the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is the internalized anticipation of external punishment.6 We learn that certain things get punished, and in anticipation of that punishment we feel bad. Overtime we internalize this expectation as the experience of guilt. In other words, guilt is the emotion we feel when we’ve successfully internalized a social norm. Thus, guilt is the social emotion of proper conduct.3
Both guilt and shame are social emotions, but again there is a difference. Guilt is about violating a social norm or a group member. We hurt someone or did something we know was wrong, and so we feel guilty about having done so, but without necessarily considering ourselves to be a bad person. Shame though, is specifically caused when we violate a social norm or a group member, and we view this as a part of our identity. This is not merely about hurting someone we care about and feeling badly about it. It is a specific emotional claim about our identity as a good or bad person.
Think about what that implies about your social identity. If you’ve been taught that bad people feel, think, or do certain things, then you’re far more likely to feel intense shame any time you “sin” in those ways. In a sick culture you learn that the “shameful sins” that make you a bad person can be anything from acting too girly, having any sort of sexual feeling, all the way to being interested in the wrong things or wanting to wear the wrong clothes.
As men we’re often given a straitjacket called masculinity and then we’re shamed if we even think about painting flowers on it. Again, it’s not just that you feel guilty because you broke a social norm, but that you are a shameful, bad person for daring to think the wrong thought.
In this way your social identity, your external compass, is not merely a way to guide you through your culture by having you behave in the proper way. The process of socialization defines the very structure for how you make sense and meaning of the things you experience4. Here’s a simple example. Go talk to someone about reducing the age of consent. Yeah, how about no? Just the mention of such a thing fills people with disgust and outrage. So to be very clear, I am not in any way saying we should change the age of consent!
That is not what I’m saying, but the fact that I feel I have to make my own beliefs clear is my point. Very few people are willing to talk about the age of consent because they fear what other people will think of them for even bringing it up. Even me talking into a camera knowing people are going to watch this is giving me anxiety. I even considered not using this as an example just because it made me so uncomfortable, and literally no one is here right now. It is merely the anticipation of external punishment that I would deserve because reducing the age of consent would make me a bad person – guilt and shame.
I think this is such a good example because it also demonstrates very clearly that the chaining process very often isn’t a bad thing. We probably want some guilt and shame around that question and so it also demonstrates very clearly the power of socialization. So yes, there are biological arguments (very good biological arguments) for why minors lack the cognitive development to give consent.7 However, socialization gives us very specific chains to the vortex of negative affect and this creates a boundary where we don’t even want to cross it in private, let alone cross it in public. This is what it means to be chained to an external compass we cannot question. It’s not merely the biological, natural way of things that cannot be changed. It’s also that you are a bad person for even considering it.
A social norm like the age of consent is an obvious answer (for most of us), but many if not most social norms we would want to change are far more difficult to identify let alone change. Think about all the messages we hear about masculinity. We live in a feminized culture where men are acting like overly emotional pussies. That seems to be a negative message that we should fight against, but do you actually know if it’s true or false?
Just listen to Dr. Mike Israetel talk about the hyper-masculinity he experienced when steroids sent his testosterone 25x higher than normal.8 We also have found that men typically have 20x the testosterone of women.9 To be clear, the effects of steroids may not be the same as the effects of normal testosterone in males compared to females. It’s probably more complex than that. However, the point I am trying to make is that we could use this as a biological, natural way of things justification for why men wouldn’t “act like women”. As such, the questions about whether they should act like women are a little bit harder to answer.
While I don’t think the science actually supports that idea, the assumption I’m pointing out is that men cannot act in certain ways or else they are viewed as less-than-men.10 This is the language of toxic shame. If we break the chains of appropriate masculine behaviour we risk plunging into the vortex of toxic shame that have us believe we are less-than-human. All because you wanted to express emotional vulnerability or become a nurse.11
The emotions used to enforce these social norms don’t have to be shame or guilt. We can be chained to a certain standard by anger, jealousy, or fear. If we don’t become a super-successful alpha male then we’re a disgrace to our gender and no woman would ever love us. This chain is enforced by a mixture of shame, guilt, loneliness, and fear of missing out on a glamorized lifestyle. You’re motivated to adopt the lifestyle of the #hustler who trains MMA and fucks as many women as you can manipulate into bed or else you’re a soy-boy beta.
This issue in all of that may be obvious to some, but the major point that I want to highlight above anything else is that your social identity is not your authentic identity. If you want a deeper dive into authenticity you can check out my essay, “3 Keys to Find Your Authentic Self”. However, what I’m trying to say here is that anything other than your authentic self, based on your own personal values and interests, is a mask you’ve worn to effectively navigate your culture.
Chained to Your Social Mask
But why exactly isn’t your social identity your authentic self? If you authentically care about what people think of you, or about your culture’s values and goals, why isn’t that your real authentic self? The developmental psychologist Dr. Kegan makes the point that someone who thinks like a Conformist authentically wants to be a Conformist because that’s all they’re capable of1. Again, this is a stage of development that people get to and in some cases stay at for the rest of their lives. However, I think Dr. Kegan doesn’t properly distinguish capability and aspiration, especially given a specific context. Let’s unpack what I mean by that.
What Dr. Kegan is trying to highlight is that a Conformist literally cannot think outside the bounds of their external compass. That would be like berating the inauthenticity of a 5 year old because they wanted to be the Black Panther when they grew up. Given the way a 5 year old thinks about the world it makes perfect sense that they would want to grow up to be a superhero. Even though it’s literally impossible, it is beyond their capability to think otherwise. In the same way, a Conformist may authentically want to “follow the herd” and that’s perfectly okay. It’s no one’s place to tell them this isn’t what they “really want” just because we can question social norms.
That said, I think authenticity is inherently aspirational, and what we can aspire to is limited by what we are capable of envisioning for ourselves. As we grow as a person we have to be conscious of how our mind expands and complexifies what we are capable of aspiring to be – Black Panther vs. what my dad pressured me to be vs. my own hopes and dreams. The authentic self then, is not just being able to think for oneself, but having the ability to grow your capacity to think for yourself, especially because…we live in a sick culture.
In the context of a sick culture the Conformist may authentically want to be like their group, but what if that group is literally destroying their lives and the planet? Maybe you’ve wasted year after year, pulled yourself through horrifying emotional turmoil, and perhaps even done violence to other people, all because the group you “authentically” aspired to be a part of convinced you that this was the true and just natural way of things. A Conformist may authentically want to live their social identity, but when they are so intensely limited by their social identity I think it’s meaningless to call that authentic.
But…what’s the alternative exactly? Does some big, strong, and intelligent guy like me have to come along and send you in the right direction? I mean that’s kind of what I’m doing here. I’m telling you information I think is important according to my own values, hoping that it’ll inspire you to change the way you feel, think, and act. That seems pretty…manipulative, doesn’t it?
Authenticity then, is not only about knowing or even standing up for your own values. It is also about being aware of how social norms influence you. How social pressure influences you, even when, and perhaps especially, it is social pressure from people you agree with, or people who seem to want to help you. My point in this is not to make you distrustful or suspicious, but instead to simply be aware of that influence, to self-reflect, and to be open to perspectives you disagree with.
This process is so important in healing from a sick culture because social identity in the mind of a Conformist is something they must live. They simply haven’t developed the ability to question and self-reflect about their culture and how it binds them within their social identity, their social mask for navigating that very culture.
When we consider how powerfully chained their identity is to the vortex of negative affect, we can begin to see how we ourselves can begin developing beyond our own vortex and chains. So, how exactly was your own social mask created? If you want help figuring that out then please check out my free assignments at the link in the top comment below.
Either way, let’s say you’ve been socialized to believe that you have to be super rich and physically dominating to deserve love from women (couldn’t possibly be any of us). These are the specific chains that keep you bound to the vortex. If a girl rejects you, you’ll assume automatically that you weren’t rich enough or powerful enough. The chain of the “alpha” binds you to a vortex that motivates you to become more alpha. Each time you fail confirms to you not only that you aren’t enough, but in exactly which ways you aren’t enough – you’re broke and weak.
Remember from before when I said that the external compass determines how you can make sense and meaning of things. This is what I meant. Bound within this understanding you literally cannot question the social norm of “being an alpha to deserve women”. You become trapped in a false dichotomy. You either accept your place at the bottom of the hierarchy as this shameful less-than-human mistake, or you work to become more alpha. This creates a culture of a self-improvement which seems quite empowering, but it’s one where you only feel like you’re becoming more worthy when you’re becoming more alpha. However much improvement you make, you’re still trapped by those chains.
Someone like Andrew Tate has become very popular with young men for all these reasons. He often uses shaming tactics in order to send the vortex spinning, and then uses specific chains to bind his audience to that vortex. He surrounds himself with women, expensive cars, and all the trappings of luxury, and then says if you can’t get these things well then you must a beta. He creates something for men to aspire to as a means of healing the pain of the very vortex that he himself spun.
Red Pill itself often uses biological arguments like the ones I used above to justify their worldview as the natural way of things. They then create a shame-based narrative about how you’re not a real man if you don’t attain the vision they provide. Without the ability to manage the pain of this vortex, you cannot even begin to identify the chains, the specific social norms that tell these young men what it takes to deserve love, success, and happiness. How can we expect them to develop beyond the Conformist stage of their lives when their entire social identity, their sense of self-worth and personhood, is bound so tightly to conforming to these standards?
Then, let’s consider the findings that about 50 – 75% of people in the US are Conformist, with most of them being a little bit above Conformist1, 2. Unfortunately, being a little bit above Conformist basically just means that you can maximize conformity. This is that person who can become very wealthy and successful, but they can only do so by the standards of their external compass, of their culture. Improving social status is little more than the pursuit of the prettiest mask, but it is a mask nonetheless.
I’m not trying to say that all the work someone put in to become successful is meaningless, that’s not fair to them. My point is just for us to recognize how it is bound by the standards of their culture because they cannot yet think beyond that culture. In the next essay, I’m going to go deeper into this model of the Conformist because the doom and gloom isn’t over yet! There is more to this prison that we find ourselves in, but there is hope because there is a way out.
The purpose of this channel is to give you a toolkit to be able to pull yourself out of your vortex and break your chains so that you can begin defining your self, your life, and your self-worth in ways that actually matter to you. If that means making money, getting jacked, learning how to fight, and having sex, hey all the power to you man. It’s your life. Just make sure it is actually what you want, and not because you’ve been bound to a sick culture that has made it too painful to question.
Either way, that is enough for today. Thank you for your time and attention. Please hit the like button and subscribe for more conversations on masculinity, psychological development, and the cultivation of a personal mythology. Thanks again, and all the best to you on whatever journey you find yourself on.
If you’d like more, the recommended reading order is at the bottom of this link.
References:
1 – Kegan, R. (1998). In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life (Reprint edition). Harvard University Press.
2 – Cook-Greuter, S. (2021). Ego Development: A Full-Spectrum Theory Of Vertical Growth And Meaning Making.
3 – Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the Shame That Binds You: Recovery Classics Edition (Recovery Classics Edition, revised). Health Communications Inc.
4 – Peterson, J. B. (1999). Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief (1st edition). Routledge.
5 – M.D, B. van der K. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Illustrated edition). Viking.
6 – Mesle, C. R. (2009). Process-Relational Philosophy: An Introduction to Alfred North Whitehead (1st edition). Templeton Press.
7 – Gheaus, A., Calder, G., & Wispelaere, J. D. (Eds.). (2018). The Routledge Handbook of the Philosophy of Childhood and Children (1st edition). Routledge.
8 – Doctor Mike. (2024, June 30). The Dark Side Of Steroids and The Problem With Deadlifts | Dr. Mike Israetel. YouTube Video.
9 – Handelsman, D. J., Hirschberg, A. L., & Bermon, S. (2018). Circulating Testosterone as the Hormonal Basis of Sex Differences in Athletic Performance. Endocrine Reviews, 39(5), 803–829. https://doi.org/10.1210/er.2018-00020
10 – Sapolsky, R. M. (2017). Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst (Illustrated edition). Penguin Press.
11 – Mediaite. (2024, February 24). Viral ‘red pill’ vs feminist debates are getting UNHINGED! | Whatever Podcast reaction. YouTube Video.